So the update on my life will begin in a minute, but first (insert suspenseful pause here) ...
The Long-Awaited Song List, at Motherfucking LAST1. Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now, by Starship As one of my favorite deployment rituals EVAH, I sang this song with one of my favorite National Guard officers of all time at the beginning of my horrid night shift -- every night for approximately two months. It has won a place in my heart alongside Marshmallow Fluff and the word "plethora."
2. Queen of My Doublewide Trailer, by Sammy Kershaw Husband, who had ever sworn to fear the karaoke stage as though it were Hell's innermost circle, stood up in front of tens of people to sing this song and dedicate it to me. I was touched, to say the least, but after I finished soothing my wounded eardrums, we agreed that he would never put a microphone to his mouth again.
3. Tight As, by John Lennon I just love this song because John Lennon sounds hot singing it. Is that creepy?
4. Wasted and Ready, by Ben Kweller "Sex reminds her of eating spaghetti" is probably one of the awesomest lyrics ever written.
5. Mexicali Blues, by the Grateful Dead I listened to this song about forty-seven times in a row one weekend while driving to Atlanta because my CD player was busted and I couldn't change the song. There's something about trumpets and lyrics involving underage prostitution that can really make a song stick with you.
6. Santeria, by Sublime For me, summer of 1998 was both the Summer of Drunken Hilarity and the Summer of Sublime. The two will be together in my mind for eternity.
7. Perfect Gentleman, by Wyclef Jean My best friend Shannon and I made this the theme of our Spring 2002 road trip ... nothing says "Northern Virginia to Pittsburgh or Bust" quite like a song about stripper love.
8. Beastman vs. Skeletor, by CKY This might not actually qualify as a song, as it's more akin to a rambling yet disturbing string of comic-book-character-related obscenities, but I love it, if only for that reason.
9. Pretend We're Dead, by L7 I let Husband pick out one song to put on this mix, and this was his choice. His favorite line is "What's up with what's goin' down." Hooray for plays on words!
10. Maxwell's Silver Hammer, by the Beatles I have undying love and devotion for the Beatles, and this song of senseless, joyously lilting violence sums it up very nicely.
11. Fat-Bottomed Girls, by Queen If I have to explain why this song makes my rockin' world go 'round, there is something wrong with humanity.
12. Crimson and Clover, by whoever's version I put on here Either Joan Jett or Tommy James, who can remember? Husband has the computer I used to burn the CD. Anyway, my dad took me to see Tommy James and the Shondells perform a couple months before I joined the Army. It was our Father-Daughter Bonding experience, and I've loved this song even more ever since then.
13. Before He Cheats, by Carrie Underwood A fellow victim of ThatCheatingAsshole Syndrome recommended this song to me. I felt the need to share it with the world.
14. Another, by Notorious B.I.G. and Lil' Kim A song for ThatCheatingAsshole who also happens to have a ghettofabulous side. It was my favorite shake-that-ass tune when I was in tenth grade.
15. Matilda, by Harry Belafonte Because if a woman took me money ahnd run Venezuela, I'd write a song about it, too.
16. On the Road Again, by Bob Dylan I wanted to fill the entire CD with Dylan tunes, but then it wouldn't have been as much of a Magical Mystery. So I picked this song, because it really pissed Husband off to hear that rockin' harmonica being played so very loudly.
17. The Taliban Song, by Toby Keith He performed this song for us in Baghdad, and it was good'n'country'n'patriotic'n'shit, so it was included. No other reason, really.
18. The Wind, by Cat Stevens The first time I heard this song, it made me happy on the inside. Then I made my brother learn it on the guitar when he came to visit me in my barracks in Georgia a few years ago, and we practiced it until my roommate yelled, "NO MORE 'NEVER EVER'S!"
19. The Little Shoemaker, by the Gaylords The Gaylords also did a song called "Patso for Pizza," which is pure Italian Folk Music genius. Unfortunately, I couldn't find it online and I don't have a record player, so I went with my next-favorite one of theirs. If you ignore that "dirty old man" vibe it gives out, it is a super-fun little ditty.
20. Mercedes Benz, by Janis Joplin Everybody needs a song that they can sing semi-coherently while drunk. This is mine.
21. Get Your Hands Off Of My Woman, by the Darkness You heard the man.
22. My Way, by Sid Vicious Sinatra ain't got shit on this.
I would write more right now, update-wise, but Husband is being a douchebag and I need to go take care of a matter that he was supposed to handle but didn't because he is a douchebag. Oh, look, here is my Medal for Redundancy Medal!
Have a good night, all. Lord knows I won't.
