Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Magical Mystery Mix CD Meme

Wednesday, May. 03, 2006, 1:26 a.m.

Approximately infinity ago, I naively asked E-beth if I could be a part of her Mix CD Meme Chain Thing.

Woe to me, for she agreed, and I am now bound to painfully reveal my obvious dumb-assedness as it relates to Knowing Music.

The rules are:

1) Someone (in this case, the devious E-beth) sends you (in this case, me) a Mix CD, sans playlist.

2) You (I) listen to each song on the CD and attempt to figure out the artist and title of said songs without Googling or cheating in any other way. (Hint: this is HARD, people.)

3) Then you (I) write a little entry listing each song by artist and title, as accurately as possible, and jotting down a note or two about the individual tunes.

4) Then the person who sent you (me) the CD, goes ahead and lists the songs for you, so all of your (my) readers can go find out how badly you (I) did. (Hint: pretty damn badly.)

5) Then your (my) readers get to snort and guffaw and make snide remarks about how you (I) must have been raised under a fucking ROCK, because how in the screaming FUCK did she (I) not know that one?! (Answer: shut up.)

6) After the mocking has subsided, your (my) readers decide to comment on your (my) entry, so as to make the disdain as public as possible.

7) You (I) obtain vengeance via mailing a personally-compiled Mix CD to the first commenter and making THAT person go through the SAME PAINFUL PROCESS.

And that's how it goes.

Now, would you like me to begin the hilarity, and perhaps show my age and sheltered background while I'm at it? Great! Let's get started (the artists and titles are in bold).

1. I have never heard this song before -- I'll venture a guess that it's called "I Want To Be A Kennedy," and it sounds like Hole. All I really know about this song is that I like it, now that I've heard it.

2. "Let's Push Things Forward," by a group I ought to know because E-beth already sent me this song in another of her righteous Mixes O' Mystery. -- While I am mourning the loss of my feeble memory, I'd like to say that this song kicks ass because it makes rap sound snobby. Also, I am a sucker for fun foreign accents ("Let's 'ave a little dance, shall we?")

3. I know this song! But yet, its name and artist elude me. -- Only the first of several songs that fall into this category. Curse you, O Mix Queen!

4. No Fucking Clue -- But it reminds me of those wannabe-raves I used to sneak out to while at the height of teenager-dom.

5. See #3 -- See? I told you I suck at this. I bet Smed would know every single one of these.

6. "Bubba O'Reilly," by The Who -- How could I be in the military during wartime and not know this one? It falls into the category of Songs Which I Turn ALL THE WAY the fuck UP While Driving. Because if I am warbling "teenage wastelaaaand!" at top volume, everybody should be warbling "teenage wastelaaaand!" at top volume.

7. "Sussussussussudio," by Phil Collins -- I think Phil said it all.

8. "Sweet Child O' Mine" by Guns N' Roses -- I was barely even five years old when it was released, but I only need to hear the first two notes to recognize it. As does pretty much everyone else in the free world ... and probably more than a few Iraqis, based on the number of PSYOPS guys I know who've blasted it from a loudspeaker while entering those desert villages.

9. "That Song about New Kids On The Block and Abercrombie and Fitch," by That Group Who Only Had This One Hit Song And Then (As Far As I Know) Disappeared, To The Relief of Everyone -- A hit song, by the way, which I thought I had gotten out of my head in 1999, but which will now be echoing in my brain for all eternity.

10. It's definitely by ICP -- I'm guessing it's called "What Is A Juggelo," but I'm not sure, because I was always too freaked out by their glowy clown posters to ever really listen to their music.

11. See #3 again -- Not knowing the specifics of this one makes me feel like an uber-'tard, because ... well, I guess you'll find out why when the song list is posted (cough pleasedon'tpostit cough).

12. "It's Not Unusual," by Tom Jones -- I hope that if I did not know this song, someone would take the initiative to kick me out of civilized humanity. Because, come on. TOM JONES. I could identify his voice if I was locked in a soundproof box and one of his songs was playing outside, on low volume, in the middle of a street riot.

13. "Unbelievable," by EMF -- I swear this was on Jock Jams, and my cousins and I made up a dance to it when we were young tweens. Actually, even if it wasn't on Jock Jams, we probably made up a dance to it, just because we were So Cool like that.

14. It sounds like Madonna -- It HAS to be Madonna. If it is not Madonna, I will be heartily surprised. And to all of you who are like, "OMG I can NOT believe you don't KNOW that song WTF is WRONG with you?!!?!?!11?!" I say, "Eh. Whatever."

15. "West End Girls," by the Pet Shop Boys -- If you want to know how I know this one and not the Madonna one, I refer you to #2, re: fun foreign accents.

16. "Runaway Train," by Soul Asylum -- The video for this song always made me tear up. What ever happened to Soul Asylum, anyway? Did they evaporate? Run away? Get devoured by one of Celine Dion's high notes?

17. "Mambo Italiano," by Rosemary Clooney -- I love this song, and have ever since I first heard it a whole bunch of years ago, and I've been all, "HEY mambo! Mambo Italiano! HEY mambo! You mixed up Siciliano!" ever since. Because any song where you can shout "HEY!" is a song worth playing over and over again in your workplace.

18. See #3 -- Hey, there are a lot less in this category than I thought there were. Apparently, I still rule.

19. No idea -- But that will soon be remedied, because I plan to listen to it lots and lots from here on out.

AAAAAH I am exhausted now. All of you would-be mockers can go ahead and start in on me now, and the first one of you who comments will be (if you want to) the next one in the Chain and the lucky eventual recipient of a Mix CD lovingly made by ME.

And hopefully E-beth will graciously share her damn song list, and all will once again be right in the world.

Well, not all. Maybe half.

No, not even half. Let's just say that the part of the world which holds my memory which allows me to know the names of songs, will once again be on the way to somewhat not keeping me awake at night trying to remember the names of songs.

Anyway, hit me with your best shot (and YES, I know who sang that; I have not toked away that many brain cells in my short young life), and maybe tomorrow I'll be able to come up with something mildly not-sucky to write about tomorrow.

Holler back, yo!