Week (sort of) in review

Saturday, Apr. 22, 2006, 2:45 a.m.

Wanna know what I've been up to? Because I'll tell you. But I can't guarantee that the anger will keep itself in check, for I feel the need to throat-chop somebody (and by "somebody" I mean "everybody, including small children and fluffy bunnies"), like, perpetually, these days.

Let's see ... I think I'll just go over this past week.

Monday
Went to court to receive smart rap upon wrist for slapping Husband last month (one of many Crazy Shit items which did not mention in diary, as was very fucking sick of entire situation). Was reminded by attorney that said slap constitutes "simple battery," no matter if Husband used the phrase "stupid cunt" or not. Was much fun, beyond wildest nightmares.
Drove to Brunswick to pick up best fucking car in free world. Am now proud owner of cutest Mini Cooper ever, anywhere. Decided that 60 miles per hour is perfect speed for cutest car ever, especially if steering wheel tends to shake like electrocuted stripper if 60 miles per hour is exceeded. Am perfectly okay with this. Drove home using state highway only, as Mini is afraid of interstate.

Tuesday
Attended counseling session with Husband. Was party in proverbial basket. Marriage is in proverbial shitter.
Visited court-ordered counselor to get self assessed. Was deemed "not violent, just has control issues," sentenced to 28-week Violence Intervention class. Do not give a shit on a pancake as long as charges are dismissed.
Arrived at work, 2:30 p.m. Worked on newspaper. Worked. Worked. Worked. Also, worked.

Wednesday
Worked. Still. Carried over from Tuesday night. Did not sleep. Am dumbass. Newspaper still not completed.
Reported for Personnel Inventory Bullshit, 5:30 a.m. Stood in line for two hours. Bitched until throat was sore, then switched to gutteral grumbling, as required less effort.
Showered, then back to work. Worked. Worked. Worked. Fell asleep at desk. Got reprimanded by She-vil Boss (counterpart of He-vil Boss, who honestly is not quite so He-vil in recent days) who is insufferable hypocrite and deserves to be smothered in barbecue sauce, thrown in room alone with rabid lemurs, and mercilessly abandoned.
Was instructed to report for Mandatory Physical Training Session of Gayness, 4 p.m., despite being equivalent to walking dead, except tired-er. Began to despise inventor of push-up.
P.T. called off due to thunderstorm of epic proportions. Thanked God. Immediately became drenched, followed by miserable, angry, vengeful, etc.
Back to office. Worked. Worked. Worked. Plotted against Army, The System in general. Am hardcore bad-ass rebel.
Left office, 9:30 p.m. Prayed for enemies. To specify -- prayed for enemies' slow, painful deaths.

Thursday
Arrived at office, 10:30 p.m. Worked. Worked. Sat around. Cleaned office. Worked. Slowly gained acceptance of lifestyle more monotonous and counterproductive than lifespan of average brain-dead two-toed sloth.
Left office, 5 p.m. Drove to next town to pick up Mini from apartment complex and deliver to body shop for pimp-assed painting. Waited at shop for friend/owner to give a ride back to car. Waited. Waited. Waited. Nurtured desire to cause death to mankind.
Headed back to barracks room (temporary residence, as am currently ordered away from Husband/apartment "for own safety"), midnight, down longest stretch of dark, boring state highway ever created by human hands. Traveled 67 mph in 55 mph speed zone. Was harming NO ONE.
Got pulled over. Cursed at dashboard, as was only blame-able object in sight. Fucking dashboard.
Was informed that driver's license was suspended. Was cuffed; spent lovely evening bullshitting with several military police. Was picked up THREE HOURS LATER which translates to THREE A.M. from MP station by overtired sergeant who miraculously is not angry.
Went back to shitty barracks room, passed the FUCK out.

Friday
Attempted to retrieve car from side of state highway. Car had vanished. ANGER. Discovered car had been towed.
Am now without car. Am surprised have not committed violent acts in name of personal transportation.
Have decided, FUCK this shit.

There is WAY more to this story than I have the time and/or energy to write. But that's it in a nutshell.
Word.