Oh Toby, why didn't you put your ass closer to my hand?

2005-05-17, 6:19 p.m.

Since this is officially my last entry till I go home on leave tomorrow, I'd like to tell you guys all about my Toby Keith Experience.

Unfortunately, I'm in a mad rush, so you'll just have to get the bare details.

First ... no ass-grabbing was allowed. I asked. Boo. But I did mentally grab his ass, and that was all that really mattered.

Second ... the man is HUGE. Here's a picture of him next to my 5'4" self:

Third ... what a GREAT FUCKING SHOW!

Since I'm a Public Affairs Person, I was up on stage -- yes, you heard me right, UP. ON. STAGE. -- throughout the entire performance, taking pictures.

Here's proof:

Toby also had a better fricking audience than Michael Jackson at a NAMBLA convention, because not only was he playing to a bunch of soldiers who'd had no entertainment to speak of for three months, but he was also playing Let's Hate On Terrorists songs to a bunch of soldiers who'd had no entertainment to speak of for three months.

And that, my friends, is a recipe for success.

You play a song called "American Soldier" to more than 1,000 American soldiers, and youse gonna getcha some applause.

Toby's Evil Publicist Lady tried to keep me from interviewing him, but eventually I was able to convince her to allow it ... since, you know, it's my job.

And she's on my turf.

And that's Toby fricking Keith.

So I got my interview, took about 200 photos (yes, I will post more eventually), and got a huge boner from being close enough to El Sexy Famoso Singer-o to illegally grab his ass.

It's the thought that counts, right?
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A large THANK YOU goes out to all of you who expressed your concern as to why I haven't beat the living crizz-ap out of Husband yet.

I don't know why, either.

He finally called last night after I had left work and wasn't able to talk to him, but I haven't heard a peep since.

If I have to take a cab home from the airport, it really won't be pretty 'round the Meany household.
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To sum up life in general ...

* I'm going home tomorrow
* Toby Keith should have allowed me to grab his ass
* Husband is still a rabid dillhole
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If I can, I'll update when I'm home, but if not, I'll see you lovelies in a few weeks.

Watch out, mattress! I'm a-comin' home!