Tales from my melodramatic sickbed

2005-04-16, 2:56 a.m.

This is going to be a short entry, dedicated entirely to a heartwarming description of my current debilitating illness.

I woke up Tuesday morning with shivers, shakes, body aches and a sore throat.

Also, I couldn't swallow.

Anything.

Even that, you perverts ... shit, it's not that good for you.

Have you ever noticed that no disease is ever quite as serious until it's diagnosed?

Because until I went to the Army doc and he told me I had a temperature of 103 and a possible ear infection, I really didn't feel as shitty as I have since.

That could also be because he gave me the wrong diagnosis and the wrong medicine for it.

But, whatever. I was put on "quarters" ("lay in sweaty sleeping bag on uncomfy cot in creepy room") for a couple days, during which I got worse, so I went back to the doc.

Who was a little irritable, because two seconds prior to my arrival, a couple of bombs had exploded in the vicinity of their clinic, and even though I was the only patient there, I was the least important.

The docs were busy worrying about the potential patients, and I didn't want to stand in the way of the invisible people, or anything.

So I went to a different clinic today, and they told me I have some sort of Mystery Growth Of Nastiness on my tonsil, which has caused the right side of my neck to mutate in recent-nuclear-waste-dip fashion.

Anyway, they stuck a bunch of IVs in me, and we're seeing if that works.

So I feel like a Bucket O' Pretty, wrapped up in daisies, as you can imagine!

Now I'm off to attempt to sleep. The lump in my neck (which I've named "Rufus") says to tell you goodnight.

Goodnight!