Iiiiiii am the champioooon, my frie-eeeend (dum dum duuuum), etc.

2005-02-25, 9:01 a.m.

Wanna know how much I rule?

Okay, I'll tell ya.

I won FIRST fucking PLACE for commentary in the annual Army journalism competition!

Granted, it's only for one section of Army journalists, but it's the biggest section, and now I have a chance to win first at the Department of the Army level.

'Kay, go ahead and tell me how much I rule ... I'll even give you time to elaborate.

Because I am so happy I could pee!

Oh, and the winning isn't even the best part.

The commentary I submitted was actually a methodical destruction of my ex-roommate's character, as she had finally gotten on my last nerve by throwing away my dirty dishes because she "was sick of seeing them in the sink."

This girl was quite possibly a worse roommate for me than Marilyn Manson would be for a devout Catholic.

So I took my revenge, in the only way a good journalist can.

I exposed the bitch for the lazy, selfish, sorry excuse for a human she is.

And now EVERYONE knows it ...

'Cause I won, motherfucker!

(My maniacal cackle rises in the air as I exit, stage left)