Privacy issues

2005-02-18, 8:38 a.m.

Ah, another dust-filled morning in the land of Almost Hell.

I took a nice, long, hot shower this morning, which is a rare thing around here. My first couple weeks in this country, I was under the impression that the Kuwaitis think hot water is a tool of Satan.

Now it looks as though I may be wrong, but still there was one unsettling thing goin' on in the female shower trailer.

(Yes, we shower in a trailer. Yee haw!)

Anyway, the military hires a bunch of civilians to cook for us, drive us around, clean, sell their bodies to us for our personal enjoyment, etc.

That last one was a JOKE. We don't solicit Kuwaiti prostitutes over here.

YET. Keep in mind it's only been a few weeks; the real sexual frustration hasn't begun to set in yet.

Okay, sorry, I love my tangents.

SO as I wander into the shower trailer in desperate need of cleansing, I realize I am the only person in there.

YESSSSS!

There is nothing like a nice, hot shower all by your lonesome.

So I get all naked and everything, all hyped to get in the shower in privacy -- when the door opens, and in walks the cleaning lady, who speaks exactly zero words of English.

Great. Fine. I'll just go without my private shower, at least by the time I go to brush my teeth, the sink will be clean.

I take my sinfully long shower, get out of the stall, and start drying off.

Something over to the left catches my eye -- the cleaning lady, who has finished cleaning the sinks, is now just SITTING on a bench, waiting for me to finish so she can clean the showers.

Keep in mind that there are about, oh nine other showers than the one I am personally using, so she could easily start on those, thus at least giving the ILLUSION that she's not just sitting there, facing in my general naked direction, as I conduct my person hygiene rituals.

It was the most disconcerting thing EVER. I don't know how many people like to be gawked at while they're naked and not get paid for it, but I was starting to become pissy.

I wanted to go over to her, shake her perverted foreign neck, and yell, "Do you have nothing BETTER to do that sit in this smelly, steamy, ghetto-ass trailer and watch me dress? Get the fuck OUT! Take a smoke break, do SOMETHING OTHER THAN SIT HERE AND GAZE AT ME."

But of course, the chick speaks no English.

By the way, I usually have nothing against foreign people. However, let ANYBODY piss me off and I immediately have a grudge against their entire family, town, career field, race, you name it, till I cool off.

For example, I hated the color pink for YEARS while I was in high school because this girl who stole the guy I liked from under my nose wore these nasty pastel pink corduroy pants all the time.

Who wears pink corduroys?!

ANYway, I couldn't wring this dumb lady's neck, so I just went about my business as she sat on her ass and watched me, then began RE-cleaning sinks as soon as I walked over there to brush my teeth.

Crazy bitch.

I hate fucking Kuwait.